Change of Plans

Have you ever been in a situation in your life where you had been planning do to one thing, or you envisioned your life going in a certain direction, and then at the last minute you decide to do something completely different? Have you ever agonized over this decision, wondering if you made the right choice? Have you ever been frustrated or even angry about the outcome?

But have you ever gotten to the end of that decision and seen that through it all, it turned out for the best?

That is what happened to us today, but it pretty much sums up all of the events of the last year as well.

Tonight we arrived in Lafayette, Louisiana. Originally, our plan had been to swing up to north Louisiana and see my grandmother who has Alzheimer's Disease. But after yesterday, we realized that a 5 hour detour probably wasn't feasible, and then when we saw bad storms coming that might slow us down, we decided just to stay south on the more direct route.

Before we came to this decision, I mulled over it for hours, and I had trouble sleeping. I kept myself up wondering if this was the right thing to do. I did the same thing when we made the decision to move to Florida, only on a much grander and slightly more dramatic (think day long crying spells) scale.

We finally made the decision and went for it, but things were not exactly smooth sailing. First of all, there were the bridges. There are so many bridges in the south! And they go on...forever! You can't even see land on the other side. And of all the things to be afraid of, this is number one for me.

I literally grit my teeth, tighten my grip around the steering wheel, and I can't talk with anyone around me as I go across. Can you imagine doing this for nearly 10 minutes at time? As if holding the wheel tighter would somehow protect me from falling off the bridge!

Then there was the tunnel through Mobile!

I have never been through a tunnel that went deeper and deeper into the ground as you went into it. The whole time I was just begging to get out and was so excited when we finally saw the light of day. 

My response to fear on this trip is no different to how I responded to the fear of moving to Florida. I try to control every situation and I am begging and can't wait to get out of it. My mom and I were talking on the trip and (because fear is a serious generational sin in our family) were trying to imagine what life would be like if fear wasn't a part of our lives. And I think one of the most interesting parts of our conversation is that there is part of us that likes to hold onto fear, as if being afraid protects us from making bad decisions, as if it keeps us in control, as if....what else can you say to that except...AS IF! 

I hope to come to a place where I can truly trust God and loosen my grip and enjoy the ride of new situations instead of begging to get out. 

The other major detour we hit was traffic! Earlier in the trip we had to decide if we would drive through New Orleans or go up and around it. We saw a traffic sign describing an accident on the upper route and decided to go through New Orleans...at Rush Hour! This was a big mistake and overall probably cost us about two hours. And the whole time I am whining over why I took this route instead of the other. It's like I somehow get mad enough at myself over the decision I made, it atones for not making the "right" decision. 

This was daily life for me during the first (well most) of my time in Florida. Why oh why can I not just trust God and that He really is guiding my steps and He has purpose in it, no matter how badly I mess up!

Because when I finally do trust God I can see that He is bringing me to places far more amazing that I can possibly imagine. 

Like this one. 

  

Driving through New Orleans we saw a cemetery from 1840. It went on for miles and miles and was full of the most elaborate and beautiful above ground graves. It was one of the most hauntingly beautiful things I have ever seen. I love history and stories and I wish I could know the story of each person there. 

I imagine that they have a story much like yours and mine. One that is full of adventure, decisions, fear, pain, hope, joy, and love. I imagine that at some point to get where they are, they had to make a decision and face much unknown. 

I just hope that as I face those things in the future, God is teaching me to that with much more trust and hope in Him and His plan. 

Because as my children put it when we got to our beautiful hotel, "This is the best hotel we have even been to! Thank you Mommy!" 

I know I will be saying that to God when I finally lay down to rest and see Him, "This is the best place I have ever been to! Thank you Daddy!"